It's been a while

A lot of things have happened in the last couple of months but first...I need to apologize for not contributing wisdom of thought here...
I guess I got caught up in Facebook games and artwork. just coloring and scraping tin items...I seemed to have forgotten that these sights were even around. I only hope that the information I have gained since being here last is worthy of use...
I have finally made peace with the situation here at the house...Everything will improve until we decide if we really want to move again...I believe this time (after we complete the lease) we will go...also it seems that I have been more anxious to get about and do things. Being here isn't allowing me to do that...also we might consider a second car because though the truck is operational, it is too small if we want to go somewhere and invite friends or family to go with us...

Heavenly Father is constantly reminding me of my obligations and ways I can improve myself..hygiene and health are becoming my first goals..of course after church, family and friends..family being first of course!! It's not that I am ungrateful for my family (Whiteheads or Greens) I just haven't taken the time to notice what I can do for me.. I only hope that I can learn to even out the situations in my life and do what I need to do to fulfill my goals as a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints...I am very happy to provide my testimony if anyone is interested and even just to show how proud I am to be of this sect...LDS rocks...

Is it over yet?

I mentioned in fb that I finally had my cry last night. I cried for the hurt Suzie will feel in the time to come, the discomfort of having to leave her alone, the frustration of knowing what she has to go through and for being just plain tired and exhausted from the whole situation.

I didn't mention how much I prayed while I cried that she would have a beautiful relationship with her family. I also didn't mention that the hurt I felt is but a small sample of how Jesus Christ must have felt when he had to suffer for our sins. I was so besot with despair that I could only imagine how he felt even the tiniest little bit. I knew that he was there with me last night as I prayed for more strength and understanding.

I know that everything will work out for Suzie and the kids. I know that time heals all wounds and helps us to cope in a level we don't understand at this time. Heavenly Father has given me this knowledge time and again and everytime I get reminded, it's with a better understanding of what is meant.

Even now as I speak of this, I realize with the greatest respect that I would never feel the pain he felt in Gethsemane and I realize also that I love him more for what he did for me and all of us. I want you to know that I know my Father lives and loves me. I know the church is true and that Thomas S. Monson is the living Prophet of this era in time. I know without a doubt that the Atonement made by Jesus Christ is the true reason for this church and the only way we can be with him in eternal life. I also know that Suzie is blessed with an eternal companion who is waiting patiently for her when the time is right. In the meantime, he is busy doing the promises and teachings that Heavenly father has for him...

Contentions

I am amazed at how easy it is to find complaints, and discontent in the world. Just today as I was inquiring on facebook, I found choices...yes, no, not sure etc. Questions that could end up in arguments and regrets for a later time. It has been a very tough few months and with Richard's passing. I've come to realize that this life is very fleeting and that maybe...just maybe..too short for us to dwell on other's problems. I know it is a good thing to help people and to pray for all to be able to maintain a good life...and to overcome their struggles. I am just tired of all the anger and frustration that has shown up on this earth these last few years.

Heavenly Father has full control of my life. I know I must make my own decisions, but I also know that if I do the right course, he is always there to help me. Today, I made a statement which I ammediately regretted. As I turned to look at my sister, it struck me...I was angry at those types of statements only a few years ago. I appologized immediately and cried for my guilt. I realize that I should show more understanding on life's conflicts and solutions.

It is up to us to keep our hearts in the right place. It is up to us to continue to show compassion and love to all our fellow human beings. It is also up to me to remember who I am and to recognize my falacies before I try to point out someone elses.

Just remember always, Jesus loves me...If he can love a struggling depressed person with aches and pains, then that person (aka...me) knows without a doubt. I can love me..and I can share my love and belief with all those around me...

Just do the best you can...and avoid contentious attitudes and conflicts...

Love to all....

How do you start your day??

I tend to start my day with morning stares and wiping out the sleepies from my eyes. I then take my morning pills...yes, I take pills..one for potassium, indigestion, happy pills and the ever needed: pain medicines...And... then I read the Book of Mormon on my Itouch...yes, technology keeps me from lugging my heavy scriptures around and also makes it easy for me to read any time I want..

What would we do without the medication and the technology?? Well, I can think of a few things. I have tried to go without my cell phone, and I probably could succeed BUT... I think of people I need to call, text or just plain get in touch with in one way or another. I also realize that it's an awesome tool if I should be in my truck and it breaks down.. Right there...I am instantly put in contact with someone from AAA and everything becomes honky dory..crazy right??

Medication is mainly for making other people happy around me...Cuz, when Jan's not happy, NO ONE is happy... I appreciate the things we have in this world...Though 30 years ago..we didn't have these taken for granted luxury [sic] of the new toys and gadgets we have now.

So, rather than go and do laundry at a washboard and rock, I'll toss my clothes in the washer with a towel that does everything from washing to drying to softening and then..put them in the dryer and hang or put them away...I'M NOT SPOILED!!!

Strange Happenings...

These last few months are challenging in the least. I've had some great blessings and also some great challenges. Life is up and down. I sometimes feel as if I just don't understand how or why these strange happenings are here, but I do know.

We choose our lives, whether it be marriage, school, religion, politics or what ever. We also choose our friends. Family follows along as do acquaintances. We pick our preferences in color, taste, locations, pets and so forth. I do know that everything we do is a choice.

Because we do make choices all the time, we have to deal with the results. Marriage, for instance could end badly or be the best thing that ever happened in your life. Friends usually stick around if they are true. Family has no choice but to deal with each other and most of the time, we do choose to be happy and loving to each other. As a member of the LDS Church, we believe that we chose our parents before we come down to earth. My nieces have a cute saying that I posted on a previous post...It is applicable to showing how our relationships happen and how we relate to each other. My family is close for the most part. We keep in touch for the good things and the bad things that we deal with from day to day..

Now we are dealing with the undeniable fact that our brother-in-law Richard is dying from cancer. It has ravaged his whole body and we know he has anywhere from four to six weeks left. I can't imagine how he must feel at this point. probably, he is relieved that he will no longer feel the pain and watch as his family and friends deal with the issue. I know he is sad that his loving wife, Suzie is having to deal with this without showing signs of resignation, but to show the determination that she has to keep his spirits up. We believe that he is going to a better space and will no longer endure the hardships of this life and will be in the loving arms of our Heavenly Father. We, as human beings, will continue here on earth, with mixed emotions of guilt, anger, frustration, happiness and sadness...I only hope we see it the best way we can..

After all, strange happenings go to all of us...

That's the way it goes...

When this last few weeks came along, I found myself questioning why things happen, whether it was something good or bad. Last week, after talking with Gary, I decided that I needed to go to Utah. I called Kathy and she decided she wanted to come with me. Thanks to her and Keith's compassion, we found ourselves on Amtrak heading towards SLC Utah. It was a long and arduous ride as we started out over an hour late, thanks to a tow bridge not aligning with the tracks. Once we got into the train in Sacramento, we spent the next two hours traveling quite slowly. We were caught behind a slow moving freight train. It was late into the evening that we finally settled down and started to enjoy the ride. We came through the town of Truckee and took many a picture and also pictures of Donner Lake and the Truckee river. Richard got his nickname from the river... He is the object of the rest of this post.

Richard is Suzie's (my other sister) husband and he is suffering with cancer. He is dealing with facial, mouth and throat cancer that is also spreading to his spine and lungs.

Sunday, all of his family and me and Kate went to the rehabilitation hospital to see him. Suzie had been going almost daily to see him and was still quite shocked at the situation. When we arrived, he was having trouble breathing. His canula was filling up with liquid and making it very difficult for him to breathe. After what seemed like an eternity, he was finally fitted with a new canula and spent the rest of the visit picking on everyone and having a good time. He showed new signs of problems with parkinson type symptoms and also seemed to be excessively cold. Suzie and Dodi tended to his needs while the rest of us continued to keep him involved in light conversation.

After we left the center and went back to Suzie's house, we got together and had dinner and visited. As was the occasion, the conversation got around to Rick and it was decided that we would make a recording of the group visit with pictures and memories of how we all were involved with his life. We told funny stories, sad memories and happy thoughts of how Rick was involved in the lives of so many people and how often he cheated death. Somehow, this time I don't think he will cheat death again.

I titled this post the way I did not to show flippant attitude but to give all an understanding of how we do not have the control of everything that involves our lives and the lives of others. Heavenly Father controls what and who he wants, when and how he needs to obtain what he requires. The way it goes only manifests how he feels and how me must accept his decisions. I love you brother Rick...

Unintentions

Sometimes you need to take a bit of bruising in order to work things out. I guess these last two day proved that to me. I got caught up in a trap of my own making. I thought (horribly so) that I was being attacked for something I didn't do. I bit my lip and tried to make since of the conflict. After much (not so much after thinking about it) soul searching and prayer (who waited for an answer??), I wrote a letter to communicate my feelings, thinking that it was the right thing to do. There was some more conflict but after some crying and reasoning things out in my mind, I appologized and explained what I thought happened. At that point, I found out I was right after all. Appologies were made all around and the issue was resolved. I know that if I had been more patient and given my anger up to the Lord, I would have been more attentive to the warnings that I was given. I felt the need for revenge and found out that I will suffer consiquences if I do what I did.

Heavenly Father is here for a reason, to keep us upright and doing the things we promised we would do. As a weak human being, we are here to pay respect to him and to those around us. Once again, I learned that issue. Here's hoping that I remember more of what I learned and continue to do the things I must.